Thursday 31 March 2011

Apply To Join Chimamanda Adichie & Binyavanga Wainaina In The Farafina Trust Creative Writing Workshop 2011

Chimamanda Adichie
The fifth edition of the annual creative writing workshop organized by Farafina Trust will hold from June 23 to July 2, 2011 in Lagos, Nigeria. Award-winning writer and Farafina author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie will be teaching alongside Kenyan writer & Caine Prize Winner, Binyavanga Wainaina. The workshop, sponsored by Nigerian Breweries Plc, will afford participants a golden opportunity to learn a lot via a wide range of reading exercises, as well as daily writing exercises. The workshop aims at improving the craft of Nigerian writers and encouraging published and unpublished writers by bringing different perspectives to the art of storytelling. Participation is limited only to those who apply and are accepted.
To apply, send an e-mail to Udonandu2011@gmail.com. Your e-mail subject should read ‘Workshop Application.’ The body of the e-mail should contain the following:
1. Your Name
2. Your address
3. A few sentences about yourself
4. A writing sample of between 200 and 800 words. The sample must be either fiction or non-fiction.
All material must be pasted or written in the body of the e-mail. Please Do NOT include any attachments in your e-mail. Applications with attachments will be automatically disqualified. Deadline for submissions is April 27 2011. Successful applicants will be notified by June 15 2011. Accommodation in Lagos will be provided for all accepted applicants who are able to attend for the ten-day duration of the workshop. A literary evening of readings, open to the public, will be held at the end of the workshop on July 2, 2011.

Wednesday 30 March 2011

The Youth Presidential Debate

It was past 4 PM. The only sound that filled the cavernous Ladi Kwali Hall of Sheraton Hotel and Towers, Abuja was the reggae music from a live band rendition. Touted as one of the most significant political youth events in recent times, it was the occasion of the Peoples’ Senate Presidential Youth Debate. Expectations were high. As people milled around, a member of the Peoples’ Senate walked in and promised that the meeting will kick off in five minutes time. Twenty minutes later, he came on stage and called on a fellow senator to give the opening prayer. He gave the opening prayer wearing his cap. Then the national anthem was sung.

The Minister of Women Affairs-Mrs Anneih’s speech was a pointer to the drama this debate would pack. She came on stage and spent some painful, awkward minutes hastily re-reading her speech and making corrections. She finally looked up with an apology ‘I did not get it printed out so I’m trying to correct it’. Then she read the ‘speech’ which was full of a lot of talk about sabotage; her enemies who thought she would die on her return trip and references to the Youth Leader of the PDP who is sixty years old with a head full of white hair. She tore the hall apart when she canvassed for the women to vote for Goodluck Jonathan. The politically variegated crowd erupted into loud murmurings and not a few senators shifted uncomfortably as they saw their unpartisan edifice crumble before them. She finally left the stage, but not before reminding the crowd of the fact that she owned an I-Pad; the ticket to be referred to as a digital leader.

The amiable moderator-Mr Onifade came on stage and the debaters were introduced. There was an awkward moment as the PDP representative clambered eagerly onstage and was verbally restrained by the moderator. The seating arrangement was conducted by picking numbers from a bowl where the PDP representative ironically got the last slot, this was not to determine the debate’s happening as he gallantly defended el presidente’s honor.

The debaters were all seasoned gentlemen in their own rights; Sunday Ogidigbo, lead pastor of the Holyhill church, Adeolu Akinyemi who modestly explained that his friends call him a genius, Ohimai Godwin Amaize, the social advocate whiz kid is the youngest campaign manager in the country, Ajufo Ajufo who hails from a royal family and Uche, the contractor for the ICT Centre in Abia State university, he definitely represented the incumbent.

The debate started in an easy format, the moderator called out a line of policy and each debater within an allotted time pontificated on how his candidate would deal with that area of public policy. This period allowed for them to posit at length on the new slants their candidates would bring and did not allow for sparring. Ohimai was the first to draw blood though as on the area of corruption, he replied with a poker face ‘My candidate will not spend 18 billion naira on a presidential jet or five hundred thousand dollars to refurbish his kitchen’, the PDP candidate flinched visibly and this opened the gateway for this repartee reproduced verbatim:

Deolu: Nigeria’s problems cannot be swept away with a broom

Ohimai: We need candidates who have managed a million naira of their personal money before getting into power

Uche: We have seasoned economists like Sanusi to manage the economy so when people say candidates have not managed a million naira of their personal money; I sincerely don’t know who they are talking about

Soon, it was question time and the debaters unsheathed their claws, as with questions deceptively laced with my brother, my big brother, my pastor…, they mercilessly attacked each other’s candidates. The PDP got the short end of this deal as Uche was questioned on the power probe, excess oil account… Ribadu was questioned on his support of Saminu Turaki of Jigawa who he convicted while in power for a six billion naira scam and allegations on his ‘selective prosecution’. The representatives gallantly parried these attacks; Uche with calm confidence and sometime inane answers like requests for ‘the newspaper where you saw the story’, and Sunday with analogies like ‘Ribadu can’t solve all petitions he received, it’s like pouring a whole bowl of rice into your mouth’.Ohimai also explained to applause how Dele Momodu intended to provide 50, 000 jobs on first day of assuming office, by giving a million naira loan to youth for farming and fertilizer production. Deolu in a blame-shifting tactic, explained Buhari’s detention of Shagari and Ekwueme with the revelation that Ribadu found the duo guilty. Deolu shook his head wistfully when Uche challenged the debaters for their candidate’s wives’ inactivity on the campaign trail. Ajufo’s lackluster performance was covered with an ever ready smile.

The crowd was allowed to throw questions and a few minutes after 9p.m, the debate proper was ended. The ballot papers were collected, furiously counted on site but mysteriously the results were not announced.

The debaters milled around snapping photos, giving backslaps and exchanging bb pins, it was an amiable event and one wondered why the candidates themselves could not adopt this brave and non-zero sum approach to politics.

At the end of the program, the youths were enthroned, for organization, their stellar display and their belief.



.

Tuesday 22 March 2011

Wisdom in Extra Curricula Activities...

‘Alli, how far?’ I hollered at my best friend.
He smiled as he trudged toward me, carrying a stack of files.
We are having our LOM meeting’ he replied preening his tie.
‘Oh!’ I rolled my eyes,  Alli was the President of the Junior Chambers International (JCI), an extra curricula group on campus. They engaged in entrepreneurship seminars and the like. I could not fathom why students will not face their studies squarely; considering the tons of course work we have to contend with, but instead join clubs and all sorts.
I hoisted my knapsack a little higher, and in a slightly supercilious tone, I announced ‘Okay, I’m off to the library’.
Alli smiled cheerfully and set off toward his meeting venue, while I trudged the beaten path to the library.
In school, these clubs existed in their droves; JCI, AIESEC, Students in Entrepreneurship… and it seemed a waste of time to me (then)  to join these sororities (as it seemed), pay semester dues (give them my money), attend meetings (give them my time) and buy their branded  T-shirts for outings (give them more money again! ahh ahh!).
That phase of schooling completed, and as I traverse the web searching for scholarship opportunities, a certain requirements stares at me like a nemesis; ‘extra curricula activity’. Foreign institutions (more often than not) and virtually all scholarship boards require evidence of prospective student’s participation in an extra curricula activity, during their time on campus.
Now, in retrospect, I see the wisdom of participating in those academic clubs and the like back then.  I can imagine Alli spitting out his credentials and getting the top pick for scholarship slots, before those without any such opportunities are considered. So if you are a student, make sure you have an extra curricula activity you partake in on campus, as this always comes in handy during job interviews, scholarship applications,  visa interviews… It portrays the individual as one who can multitask and come out with good results, even when working under pressure.
So pick a form- join that club today or walk into that community primary school and offer to teach a class for free twice a week; it always helps with the CV. Be an Alli!

Sunday 13 March 2011

Experience of a first class student


When Kelechi told me to write an article about my experience as a first class student-the experience, travails, expectations, perceptions..., I accepted but did not deliver. I felt it would be a similar to a duck preening her feathers-a narcissistic act.
I walked into school on Monday morning, and was besieged by the human traffic of students who had come to write the Post UME examination, all of them with expectant faces hoping to be a member of this ivory tower with tall buildings and immaculately kept grounds. As the sweaty bodies of this hopefuls brushed mine, trampled me-I decided to write this cameo because someone in his freshman year might read this and use it as a guide in this place where you have the ‘freedom to read and not to read’.
I came into the University of Lagos that fateful October morning like every ‘Jambite’. I stared intently at the lagoon, tipped my head to view the peak of the Senate building and envied the staylites who seemed to know everyone wherever they went-I even envied their faded jeans which contrasted with our shiny and over-expressive outfits, I envied the way they knew the price of every item in the restaurants where we ordered a la carte and they did not have a stern father tagging behind in a safari suit.
Then it hit me like a bomb-‘Registration’, I will never forget that period of my university life-having to trudge the whole length of the school twice a day-the security guards acting so rude and condescending, being talked to in clipped tones, a staff calling it a day when it got to your spot on the queue, then having to make a decision between going to a class or completing some registration process.
When the lectures started, they were far from what we saw in the Hollywood movies-a lecturer talking to about thirty students, here we had a hundred plus students in a hall with seats for half that capacity, and a faulty P.A system to boot. Classes passed by in a blur of static, whisperings, shouting and endless stream of mp3 songs from people’s phones.
I made a few friends in the next level, and got their notes for the freshman year, so that while I unfortunately got stuck at the back of class for some lectures, and gained only my name on the attendance sheet, I perused the notes in the quietude of my hostel room.
Well. I think that sums up my first year; using notes from my friends in the sophomore year, endless nerve wracking registration process, I think the only bit of advice that comes from this piece on my first year is to align yourself with the right people immediately you get into campus, preferably with those in higher levels since a myriad of problems can be solved with a simple tip.
My sophomore year had the school placing high scoring students in certain hostels-the scholar’s list it was called, and at Jaja and Mariere halls, all geeks congregated. I was placed with the best students in penultimate and final years of my department, and that period constituted the apogee of my academic life on campus. In a room filled with the best of books and materials on my course, it was no surprise that I spent the whole session swotting with the ‘free’ materials, which were obtained at the price of an excuse and promise of safekeeping.
Penultimate year wasa baptism of fire, we were introduced to presentations and the courses that constituted the crux of the discipline and most importantly, I was not placed in same room with departmental scholars. So in the dusty rooms of Jaja Hall, with mathematics department students scholars quoting their abstruse Laplatz theorems, I learnt independence and after a semester of faltering presentations with a shaky voice and weak papers, I finally got the hang of it.
Now, final year, ‘In equity, I am a graduate’, and everything seems to be going on a roll; being the blue-eyed boy of lecturers, the subsidized accomodation offered by the authorities,the nice treatment by classmates but the fear of the unknown and a lot of issues come into the fore. People say first class students will find it difficult getting jobs because they are not team players, or because their typical anti-social nature will make it difficult to ace an interview, therefore the best type of student is the second Class upper student who is a composite student (academic and socially grounded). All that doesn’t seem to faze me though, challenges are there to be conquered, but as I tap this piece out, I have the niggling doubts: What if my project is not good enough, What if my last semester results don’t meet up, What if truly I am not a team player...?
I just hope someone reads this and understands that here, relationships cum friendships you strike matter a lot. In my case, I think that has made all the difference

Graduate's Musing


Graduate’s Musing
My literature teacher in secondary school said a story must always have a climax and an anti-climax
Little did I know that this applied to life also
Well, my final days in school definitely corresponded to a climax
What with all the tours of bars and binges
We all had high hopes;
Finish school and get paid big bucks in the multinationals
I was the most realistic of my friends
I hoped for a five figure paying job
Well, first morning after school and
All I feel is uncertainty
Gone are the timetables, so I don’t even feel guilt at stabbing a class
Then I hook up with friends; eager faces full of élan over bottles of beer
Ade wants to further, Arab wants a professional course, Chu wants to work and Josh is in his father’s company
Now I know that post graduation is like the game of golf; individualistic
We can’t all go the same route
So I log on to view the much hyped scholarship opportunities
And I get offers from Mexico and Botswana,
Bombers may bomb and legislators may tomfool, but my Naija is better than these
And the Commonwealth says you must be discharged from NYSC to apply
You notice there are no opportunities to intern around
Almost all job offers are pro bono, just like this piece for Businessday
No places to even engage in volunteer work which is a prerequisite for scholarships
So most engage in hedonism; booze and sex being the favourite
While others feel their IQ’s plummet as they log in hours on a game console
You blame the University for removing that gift of routine from your life
You rue your graduation and envy classmates whose fathers have companies
And the church is always the best refuge
As you get a position straightaway: ‘brother’ and a task; ‘follow up the newcomers’
So you attend vigils and cast and bind legislators which should be stoned
When you return from a vigil at 3a.m, you feel purposeful
But hair suffocated and your muttering of incoherent tongues make you feel like the witch yourself
Depleting bank account
Stares from family members who wait for the graduate to ‘perform’
And you wait futilely for the call up in which you would be flung as far as possible
At the back of your mind nags the thought that classmates have fared better
Well the ladies always give birth and marry
You wonder if the degree sitting pretty was worth it
While other times you cherish memories and feel intellectually superior for experiences garnered
A computer village apprentice might be better off
As your president bemoans the quality of graduates
These are the conflicting thoughts of a graduate I must say
So you step up to the street corner
And enrol in a french school; ‎‎good- for the CV
Start up at the tailoring institute; learning a trade always helps
Help out at the bakery; confectionery pays these days
Spend less time on facebook & twitter; life is better improved than talked about
The google bar permanently on; there should be a scholarship lurking somewhere
So you don't stay in one spot  & claim 'Nigeria happened'
Aye..a graduate's  better must always be best...

Saturday 12 March 2011

Parody of the 2011 Presidential Elections

Its selection time, the various actors step out and dance to new tunes. The one dancing apala switches to alanta, since the spectators seem to like that while the one that swayed languidly in the breeze like a maize stalk jumps and danced frenziedly.
 Its selection time, everyone is making adjustments in a bid to sway the spectators.
Its selection time, the spectators cluster and lean into the circle.
One of the dancers runs and hugs the village’s pariah, welcoming him back to the fold of civilized community. ‘aburo, se o wa pa? I hope the food was manageable, don’t worry, you are out now, I want you to just relax and enjoy the fresh air…fi free’. The convict smiles in return and makes a two finger salute, peace from the cells.
Another of the dancers , to gain support, cuddles one who he has previously maltreated for wrongdoing. ‘Ah! man mi, are you ready to take on this role? Oh! That six tubers of yam issue? he waves his hands dismissively, ‘that was in the past, a phase I don’t like to remember, you know not even being able to spend time at my friend’s burial…chai!’ He stops to shake his head sadly ad pulls his friend closer. ‘Well, I hope we can put that behind us and win this dance’.
Another seems to realize the dance is drawing to an end, and this is the time to show hidden skills. He is galvanized into action and dashes from one end of the crowd to another; leaping into the air and throwing cartwheels within a beat. His knickers billow in the afternoon sun; the sun’s rays catch and throw reflections from his bronze scrotal sacs, dazzling everyone. ‘Ahhh!  So he could do this, so he could do that? ’The spectators stare in awe at this new revelation’. Some keep him in mind while other dash to his side of the grounds. Whatever happens, this bronze balled dancer will be remembered.
Another fixes his glasses rims more firmly over the bridge of his nose and executes carefully  practiced steps, he does not make any moves to impress and the spectators are convenient to forget him. ‘I have danced in Rome and in the Grand Hall at Britain, let those who check out my profile know I am fit to win. I don’t need to leap into the air or fraternize with criminals to win’. But the people don’t want a staid dancer, they want to see energy and leaps so they cast glances of commendation at him, wish their pikin will achieve his laurels and the romance ends.
Another hypnotizes a group of people to his side of the ground, he achieves this by swinging a  glittering rosary and muttering unknown phrases, they approach like moths to a lamp and he dances to impress only these few, he makes choreographs to the rosary and they are infinitely  pleased with that. No one is leaving and no one is entering this household.
There is a stringy man at a far corner, all weathered skin and a royal posture. He comes from a large clan and they scream themselves hoarse at his slightest of moves. ‘He is our father incarnated, you should select him, see what he did for us’.
Now the drummers beat the drum more fiercely, and the head drummer is in rapture. ‘Pour more water on my sweat bathed torso’ he shouts, ‘Pour palm oil on the drum skin so it does not burst, throw roasted crickets into my mouth whenever they hang open and I want six maidens to fan me with the widest cocoyam leaves that can be found in the land.’
They all hasten to do the drummer’s bidding-there can be no dance competition without music and the dancers have come too far to be let down, so they dispatch twelve maidens to the stream with large gourds for the drummer’s cooling water, six young men are given sharp machetes and kegs to get palm oil for the drum skin and all the children are driven into the forest to get the fattest brown crickets for the drummer. Now the audience is largely depleted because the music has to go on and some grumble about the wisdom of a dance which oils the drummer .The drummer smiles and promises the best of music if his desires are met, ‘More oil, more breeze, freshhhh air…’ he screams hoarsely.